We live in an age where accepting people for who they are is emphasised everywhere we turn. Yet we still find conflict, intolerance and misunderstanding between people. We all have unique and different strengths and no one is an island, we need each other. An effective team is only complete when all the different personalities operate together and bring their separate talents to the table.
Human relationships are incredibly complicated, and our natural tendency is to like people who are like us. So, we tend to be attracted to people who are similar to us and have similar personalities. Often what we need more is someone who is opposite to fill in the void that we have in our own personality style. A kind and soft S-style needs a detail-oriented C-style. A creative I-style needs a diligent D-style. We work best when we collaborate well with each other and use the strengths of each personality well.
Before we can help anyone else, we need to be grounded in who we are. Otherwise we can be looking over the fence with personality envy, wishing that we had the traits of others.
It is easier to appreciate other people’s strengths and identify their challenges/ opportunities for their self- development. Looking at others is easier than looking inside at ourselves.
I can’t help anyone effectively unless I first know who I am. Am I OK with who I am? do I feel a sense of gratitude for the special gifts and talents that I have inherited in my DNA or that I have acquired through self-development?
What do I believe about myself? There are several ways of thinking about how you became the way that you are.
Whatever your personal belief is, we need to find a way to be at peace with who we are and accept ourselves OR we end up fighting against ourselves in an ongoing battle of self-loathing. We can always fine tune our strengths and work on our weaknesses. We can be a self-transforming work of art.
Our unique sets of talents don’t include everything in every basket. The great mathematician doesn’t often get people skills AND maths skills. The great artist doesn’t often doesn't get accounting skills. The great farmer doesn’t usually get great marketing skills. If we all had a bit of everything then no one would need each other.
We all have a strength and a set of contributing
skills. Our job is to find out what they are, use
them, celebrate them, fine tune them and
accept/endorse/assist our friends and family with
“Birds of a Feather flock together” people like people
like themselves. It’s a natural thing. We call it
chemistry and it is the thing that happens when
people connect with like-minded people. You will
probably be attracted to friends who are similar to
There is an opposite attraction that can go on as well. We know the old “opposites attract” theory. If you are in a relationship with someone who is opposite to you, it can work but you need three things if you are opposites because you will grate against them when the novelty wears off. The things that often attract you generally become the things that bug you the most eventually.
Effective Conflict Resolution
When we look closely at the people we label as difficult we find that they are often different personalities to us. The D style ruffles the feathers of the S style and the C style ruffles the feathers of the I style and so on. When we understand that their behaviour is just about who they are and not necessarily about wanting to annoy us, then we can isolate words and tone of voice and say to ourselves “this is an Eagle who feels like her control has been taken away” or “this is a Peacock who needs to feel important”. Understanding therefore, enables tolerance and hopefully a better approach.
To be able to identify another person’s personality type is critical to your success in implementing DISC. We can’t ask people to take the test, but we can open our eyes and our ears to how they are communicating with us. Everyone gives off behavioural clues and when you listen to their words and their voice and look at them carefully, they will tell you. You just have to know what you are looking for.
A summary of each of the DISC styles are listed below, click on each link to bring up a page of information about that personality style.
Book in for an Extended DISC profile with Thrive for Girls for $99 and receive
* online login for the assessment
* a 20 page report on your style
* a link to a debrief explanation
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